Ever since her husband died in 2001, Vatey has been keeping her heavy burden secret, not wanting to share it with friends, family or even her own children.
No matter how hard it is—and she knows she now must get treatment—the 38-year-old woman will not reach out within her community for help.
“I do not want people in my community, including my parents, to be aware that I am HIV positive,” she said. “Because I do not need my children being called the children of parents living with HIV-AIDS.”
Vatey contracted the disease from her husband, a police officer in Kompong Cham province, who she married in 1994. “He had a lot of mistresses and some who were also sex workers,” she said.
Shortly before his death at 40, her husband suggested that she and her children get tested. This is how she discovered that she and her daughter, now 8 years old, are HIV positive. Her son, now 13, does not have the disease.
But Vatey did not let her children or anyone else know. “I’ve noticed other children with parents living with HIV-AIDS are not so welcomed by people in community,” she said. “I hide and keep it secret because of my beloved kids.”
Her hope is to get anti-retroviral treatment for herself and her daughter at NGOs or health centers, she said, “but in other communities where they do not know my kids.”
According to Keo Tha, a founder of the Women Network for Unity in Phnom Penh, Vatey is far from alone in wanting to hide her illness. “I’ve noticed and experienced that many people living with HIV-AIDS hesitate to speak out about the virus to the public and people in their communities, even their own parents,” she said. “Kind-hearted parents want to protect their children from the emotional harm and pain of being called the children of parents with HIV-AIDS…. Although the stigma and discrimination are diminishing every day.”
WNU’s main purpose is to offer support, education and health services to male, female and transgendered sex workers—it is currently helping more than 5,100 members among whom around 100 have HIV-AIDS and 70 receive anti-retroviral treatment at public hospitals, Keo Tha said.
However, she said, hundreds of garment workers and students come to the association’s office for HIV-AIDS tests and treatment, not wanting to be seen seeking help elsewhere for fear of discrimination at school or in the workplace.
In her opinion, there no longer is discrimination against people infected with HIV-AIDS within the health sector, but about one person out of 10 in the general public continues to shun them.
A young man called Nancy faced such prejudice in Kompong Thom province after his father died of AIDS in 1998 followed by his mother in 2000.
“Those people suspected my younger sister and me of also having been infected with HIV-AIDS by our parents,” even though neither he nor his sister had the disease, he said.
Not only did parents prevent their youngsters from befriending Nancy and his sister but they even stopped buying the cakes their grandmother made, he said. As soon as he had finished high school, Nancy left his home in Baray district and came to Phnom Penh in late 2000 to find work.
After living on the street for nearly two years, earning about $0.50 a day helping cars park near Wat Botum, Nancy met Jessy.
Jessy said he had been raised in a brothel in Tuol Kok district, the
